May 3, 2018





Thriving in a college environment is a blessing and a curse.


Enrolling later in life is like shovelling dirt until the space around me becomes a deep dark hole. I have the tools, the life experience to foresee the load ahead of me and the commitment to what drives me. Writing. But when my arms and legs ache the most I ponder, where do I go from here?


Twenty year-olds squeak around me on a weekly basis. Their tales untold, a full existence ahead of them to do as they wish. Most  access university because they're meant to after school, without a clue of what their strengths are or how to apply them. And please note I said most. My post is not a rambling about the mindless privileged kids that dropout of college. It's not about them failing miserably.


It’s about me, postgrad and choices.


From where I sit in my mid-thirties, mortgage-full and married, I can't make decisions lightly. My mere going back to college to study writing and editing caused plenty of controversy with my non-creative yet supportive taller half. So I feel compelled to give it my all. To shovel dirt until late in the night. Disregarding people and social events.


Last week one of my professors threw a little pip into my deep dark trench. My ‘great’ GPA or Grade Point Average. The sum of credits I've done and scores I've gained. And that bloody weed rooted itself onto the fresh ground and spread like wildfire.


Have I considered postgraduate studies? Well, no I haven't. Yet. Thanks for asking. But that's all it took before he said no more and the eagerness in his eyes did the talking. Imagine writing a thesis on some obscure aspect of horror or speculative fiction. Imagine graduating like that, resurfacing in the real world with such a degree of expertise.


My feet felt lighter as my heart wandered about the possibilities. Until my brain brought me down hard. How much time are you willing to commit? How much money are you going to owe by the end of it? Are you aiming high because you really feel it's what you want to do? Or because you'll need the higher salary to pay for the bigger loan?


Is it about the craft? Or is it about survival? Have you endured postgrad education? Or have you cut your studies short to get on working like most people do? Have you taken the yellow-brick road and hoped you'll make it without losing everything you worked for? Is there an alternative path I am oblivious to?


Am I digging my own grave or the foundations to start a-new?


Engage, share and find me on Twitter @SilvBrownWriter


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